After 1 Year As A Youth Pastor This Is What I Know

Part 1: I MUST BE A SHEPHERD THAT LIVES AMONG THE FLOCK

I recently went to a youth training seminar held by Barefoot Ministries at which Chris Folmsbee spoke on the roles that we play in the lives of students as youth leaders. He created a diagram of three circles that all intersected in the middle, which he called the sweet spot or a good balance between all the roles coming together. The three main roles in which we have are Advisor, Advocate, and Guide, but you can substitute another synonym for any words if you happen to like them better.

My point in all this is that those three main roles, I believe fall under the title of Shepherd. I as youth pastor must be a Shepherd to the youth in my ministry. I must give advice to the flock, I must advocate for the flock, and I must guide the flock. But to do this effectively I as a Shepherd must live among the flock.

Of course I am not saying that I need to be with students 24/7 because that would be unhealthy for both of us. But the relationship must transcend and be more than hanging out for 4 hours a week during Sunday School and Youth Group. I must be more than just being an acquaintance who teaches from the Bible twice a week. I must be in authentic relationships with students, by which we share our lives together, that can be defined as a healthy fellowship community.

Jesus is the great shepherd the best example of what it means to be one; he spoke in John 10:14 "I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me-" There is no way that I can know my students for who they truly are and have them know me, unless there is a deep meaningful relationship taking place. This can only be done if I am living among the flock under my care.

If I am not living among the flock, I will never know who is lost or who has wandered off the path. I will never be able to bandage those who are injured, or give strength to those that are weak. I won't be able to have compassion for those that are being harassed or might be helpless. I will not understand the idols that are deceiving my sheep and making them go astray. I won't be able to give food and drink to the ones in my flock that are hungry or thirsty. But most of all I will not be able to lead my sheep to Christ, who is the ultimate provider of all these things.

I still must remember that I am a sheep in the flock of Jesus, which is sharing a journey towards knowing and serving God with other sheep in His great flock, including my students. Not only am I a Shepherd for my students, but a sheep standing right next to them grazing in the Lord's plentiful pastures and receiving His awesome grace.

I am not going to sit here and explain different ways that I as a Shepherd live among my flock. For one I believe that every "Shepherd" posses skills and gifts that allow him to do this differently than the shepherd down the street. And secondly every "flock" or group is different and has special needs or ways that one can live among them. Instead pray and ask God to reveal how you can be or do this with the students in your ministry.

However I am saying that there is a major difference between a youth pastor that lives among his sheep as opposed to one who does not. I very much believe the one who lives among his flock, will have the more effective ministry. Be a sheep and a shepherd that listens to the voice of Christ, that knows him, and follow him.

What Do You Mean You're A Youth Pastor?

I wanted to start a series that shares the most important things I have learned in my first year as a full time youth pastor, since I am coming up on my anniversary October 12th. But first I wanted to explain what exactly a youth pastor is and or does with his or maybe hers (depending on your denomination) everyday life.

Ever since I started telling people that I was going to college to pursue a job in youth ministry I would always be looking into a very confused face. Or hear things like that "is that really a college degree or a career," or "you can get paid for that!" Or phrases like "Ok so you have an office at the church now what exactly do you with your time when your there?" "You get to take students to movies, amusement parks, sporting events, or to get food, and then sometimes the church pays for it!"

Usually the people that react in this way have no concept of church or a relationship with God, but I think even people in the church can sometimes underestimate or degrade the work of being a youth pastor. As if somehow our job is secondary to theirs and all we know how to do is play games and eat pizza. I believe that if this was the case and youth ministry was just all fun and games that you could buy a parent a $20 game book and have an effective outreach. Obviously taking away the need for a trained youth leader that understands how to reach youth culture.

For a long time I struggled when people would ask the question "What do you mean you’re a youth pastor?" Implying that they could not understand what exactly I did with my time or why it was necessary. Often I would just give them a simple answer like "I get to hang out with teenagers for a living" or explain that I am like a glorified Sunday school teacher. But deep down I knew that there was so much more to what we do as youth ministers, that I really did not even know where to start explaining.

I came across a small article in a youth magazine that was written by another youth pastor. The article had no introduction or ending, it was simply 1 Corinthians 13 reworded for youth pastors. When I read the article I not only came away with a better understanding of 1 Corinthians 13 but also had a better understanding of what I am called to do as a youth pastor. So I thought I would give it a try myself to help explain the question "What do you mean you’re a youth pastor?" Following is the passage I chose to represent that answer.

2 Corinthians 6:3-10 For Youth Pastors

We live in such a way that no student will stumble because of our actions or words, and no one will find fault with our ministry. In everything we do, we show that we are true ministers of God even if is just playing dodge ball.

We patiently endure a text message early in the morning or late a night, students living a double life, fast-food five times a week for the sake of our health, listening to a story because no one else will, along with other troubles, conflicts, and disappointments of every kind imaginable.

We have been beaten physically and emotionally, faced angry mobs of parents, worked to exhaustion, endured sleepless nights and not just because of all-nighters, and gone without food to pray and fast for those in our ministry.

We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us, and by our sincere love for youth. We faithfully preach the truth. God's power is working in us. We use weapons of righteousness in the right hand for attack against the enemy and the left for defense of ourselves, family and ministry. We serve God whether people honor us or despise us, whether they slander us or praise us.

We are loved, but then we are hated. We are ignored by students, even though they know us well. We live incarnate in youth culture, but are still adults. We are always our self, but yet different for every student. We have been temporarily forgotten, but always remembered as someone that cared.

Our hearts ache for teenagers, but we always have joy. We are poor by choice but give spiritual riches to others. We don't own the houses we live in, we drive cars with high mileage, pay most of our salary to school loans, but yet we have everything.


Here is the link to the God inspired version of the passage.

2 Corinthians 6:3-10

Living In The Past

I recently watched a movie called "Body of Lies" which was your typical spy thriller with deceit and unexpected twists. But my point here is not to write a movie review but to examine a quote that I thought was very interesting. Note that the context of the quote from the movie was used differently.

The quote: "If you live like it's the past and behave like it's the past; then the guys from the future find it very hard to see you."

Immediately when I heard that statement my mind kept comparing it to the church and my field of youth ministry. The question that was replaying over and over in my head was "How is my ministry context behaving like the past, that students now and in the future are not able to connect? And then my head exploded with about a million more questions here is a few.

What is wrong with the ways of the past?

Is there anything from the past worth using in todays culture?

How far should we immerse ourself in culture to reach teens?

What will the future look like and how can we be ready for it?

I have written on some of these questions in my previous posts but I still think it is necessary that we keep asking them. I pray that youth workers will continue to immerse themselves in conversation with peers to help each other come to new conclusions of ministry.

Before I start to unpacking this more I would like to hear your thoughts on the quote or inquiries that were brought up. Please feel free to discuss both church and youth ministry scenarios.

Columbus had three ships the; Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria, I have Friendship, Leadership, and Discipleship

One of the saddest scenario's inside of parenting children is that one parent tries so hard to be the cool fun parent, by seeming more as a friend than as someone who offers direction and discipline. Leaving of course the other parent to always be the bad guy that punishes kids for their actions and put them on the right track.

I am afraid youth ministry is no different except for the fact that we as leaders have the option to choose what hat we want to put on when we are with students. Making it a huge temptation to always be the "cool" guy, an image that portrays I am your buddy rather than your leader. If you are a youth worker and constantly taking this friendship role, than you might be giving up your ability to give new direction or quite possibly your respect as a leader.

Please do not miss interpret what I am saying I believe both being a friend and leader are a crucial part in building authentic relationships with youth. Both are needed to transform the lives of students, but I think there needs to be a healthy balance of the two. Everyday I tiptoe on the very fine line that separates friend from leader in my connections with students.

What then can help us keep this balance of friend and leader?

I believe the key is to purposefully have the mindset of true discipleship along with friendship inside this journey we call life with our students. In John 15:13-15 Jesus specifically calls the disciples his friends, but they are no doubt also being discipled by him. Meaning Jesus was a friend but was also constantly imparting his knowledge and correcting his followers to a better way of life.

I think that in a lot of churches and youth ministries today we have not been offering true discipleship for the people under our care. Instead of making healthy disciples who follow Christ we have been making converts who claim to. A convert does not and will not have a solid foundation of faith to make more disciples hence, we are stuck in a pattern of mass decline in church attendance.

I guess what I am saying is that it's o.k. to be the "cool" guy or friend, just be the cool guy that is also seen as leader. Don't be the friend that turns the other cheek by letting bad behavior slide or the friend that refuses to correct you when your in the wrong. Your students need a leader that is offering discipleship in every aspect of their lives whether the situation is good or bad.

Just as with the case of being a parent you do not want to be seen as just a friend to your children, but someone who leads them on the right path. So they to will someday raise their children in this same manner. So I leave you with this question to ponder.

In what situations are you sacrificing discipleship for friendship with your students?

Dear Red

Today I want to take the time to write about somebody who helped change my story, a God loving gentlemen that passed away recently, someone that I will forever admire and respect. I never got a chance to tell him how he helped me on my journey of knowing who I really was. But I don't think that I needed to because he already knew. He was never my pastor or youth pastor but as adult he still ministered to me.

His name was Red.



Dear Red,


I first remember you when I was young you were old then Red, but you reminded me of another Grandfather. You didn't say much to me yet but I knew you were someone I could trust and feel safe around. I knew that you received great joy and happiness in your heart by watching my childlike faith and when I had a smile on my face. Even then you could see it me Red, even then you knew.


Throughout my teenage years you would make it a point to talk to me Red, you talked to all of us. You would ask me How I was doing, but there was something different about you Red, when I would respond I knew that you listened. Whenever I did not attend church for a week, the very next time you saw me you would say that we missed you last week. Why Red? Why would you say that Red because you cared. You were even older now Red but all the more wise, and your wisdom you did share with me and I listened, we all listened Red. But still you saw something in me Red, something that not to many could or took the time to. What was it Red, why can't I see it?


The first couple years of college when I would come back for breaks, I noticed Red that you had a slight cough that you couldn't shake and you would tell me never to get old. But I knew that you were proud of my choice to serve God as a youth pastor, I knew that this brought you happiness within your heart. You had a big heart Red, we all could see it. Still you could see something inside of me, still you looked at me differently than most people did. I don't know what you saw Red nothing is there, I am not special.


The summer before I graduated college I got the opportunity to preach at our church Red, but now you have a oxygen machine that helps you breathe. I know Red I will try my best to never get old, but no promises. The night before I spoke you sat me down and prayed for me with the most authority that I have ever heard. I don't remember the exact words you said that night Red, but I know you forever instilled within me the confidence to speak the words God has given me to say. That is when I first began to see Red, when I first realized what you have been looking at all this time.


Throughout my life you never looked at me with disappointment Red, you never treated me as a sinner because you knew I was better than that. You saw that I was created for a purpose Red and in God's image. You knew it in your heart Red that my heart was also good, that I was meant to shine God's glory. Besides my family Red, you were one of the few people that could look at me like this, like I was special you saw my true heart. We are all special Red, some of us just can't see it yet. Let alone look at others in the way that you always could look at us. Don't' worry Red, I am beginning to see it others now to.


When I heard that you left us and went to Heaven I knew it was your time Red. I know that you are not old anymore and that you you finally shook that cough. I know that you have a new set of lungs that allows you to breathe clearer than ever. But one thing still remains Red and that is your heart. I was glad to hear that you left dwelling on all the good things the Lord as done for you and the last beat of your good heart Red, will remain an inspiration to all that you touched. Thank you for seeing Red, I know I will see you again and pray that you can still see it in me.



With Love,



The Child of God that Red Saw


Arnie Buehler

Sub Group Communities

The world of a teenager in today's culture offers many different subcultures to be a part of or belong to. No longer are schools plagued with the "popular crowd" like cheerleaders and jocks and then everyone else that happens to attend the school. I graduated in 2002 and this model was already beginning to fade, although I did not have as many groups to choose from at least there was a choice.

The fact is that all students just like us are discipled, experience God, and worship differently, therefore a once a week meeting of 1-2 hours that offers a little bit of everything simply just not cut it anymore for transforming lives of teens. They need to be a part of a healthy community that goes along with how they grow and learn to be the person Christ needs them to be.

Through prayer and discernment of my situation and some frustrations of how youth ministry has been taught to me and done in the past. I have decided to offer my students a choice if you will to take part in different communities within our youth group, that I call "Sub Groups." My vision for this is that it turns our youth ministry into our own version of the verses found in Acts 2:42-47.

"42They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.

43Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles.

44All the believers were together and had everything in common.

45Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need.

46Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts,

47praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. "

I hope I am not sounding like a consumerist in this approach because I don't want students to feel forced to attend because it is on some calendar that I send out, or make it seem that I am running a bunch of small youth ministry programs. But am merely trying to offer something that speaks to how teenagers function today and receive a sense of belonging within a authentic healthy community. There is no real agenda to these Sub Groups except for the fact of why they exist and what they offer.

To start we have an all girls and guys sub group that is similar to the idea of what a small group setting might look like. These groups touch on the more spiritual side of prayer, scripture, and accountability. Soon we are going to offer two other groups that alternate weeks throughout the month one being a Jam Session for the more musically inclined students. And the other one being simply opening the church doors and allowing the students to come hangout and play games. Obviously these two groups focus more on the building relationships and fellowship aspect.

For now I am announcing when these groups are taking place because it is rather new to the parents and students within my ministry context. But over time I hope that through consistency I will not have to let students know when these different groups are meeting. That they will just be part of the way they live life and how they connect with others and with our heavenly father. And that other students in our community will find out about them simply through the networking of my students that already attend. Mind you this is not a secret attempt to shove Jesus down throats of teenagers, but to allow students to be discipled and grow in the way God has created them and get to know them for who they are.

By really pushing an important sense of community through my recent lessons and through conversations with students. Other Sub Groups have surprisingly sprung up without any direction on my part but totally the idea of students. For example two of my Sr. High guys wanted to start meeting with me over chicken wings on a weekly basis. Girls now like to meet with my wife for shopping and talking over a meal about boys and other female issues.

The response so far has been far better than I anticipated and have had amazing results in transforming lives of not only students but leaders as well. I believe that as a group we beginning to understand why meeting in these communities is so crucial to our development, following Jesus and fulfilling our purposes on earth as Christians. Having a chance to have life on life experiences with my students throughout week has been an awesome opportunity, and could not imagine ever again only meeting with them once a week. I can only thank God for what he is doing within the ministry he has so graciously given to me to help out with.

Missional Youth Ministry

When I got home from the office yesterday I parked my car in its usual spot on the street right in front of my house. As I exited the car I noticed about 8 to 10 junior high students on the porch across the street talking and hanging out. Mind you there was not school that day due to a snow storm and I have never seen any of these students before.

As I was walking into the house I told God that it would be cool if I got a chance to meet and talk with some of those kids or make small connection with them. Now I live in a pretty rough end of town and I could tell that right away that they were up to no good and or need some sort of healthy adult influence in their life. Still thinking about the situation I keep walking into my house and greeted my wife, and we begin to have our typical small talk like always about our day. Quickly I forgot about the group of youth across the street.

No longer than 20 minutes later as my wife and I were playing a heated game of scrabble I hear the doorbell ring. So I opened my door and my Landlord who lives in the apartment downstairs is standing out on the porch screaming at the top of his lungs. So I said "What's going on, is there a problem" he said "Yeah some punk kids are throwing snowballs at your car and I thought you might want to know."

Now I have only been living in my apartment for less than 3 months and already know that my Landlord despises the neighborhood that we live in. And it is not the first time that I have heard him yell profanities at our neighbors while threatening to call the police. Immediately I thought to myself "big deal it's just a snow ball, its not like I drive a Lexus or BMW," but to humor him I went out to investigate.

When I finally got my shoes on and made it to the front porch I found myself in a very awkward scenario. There on the porch with me is my Landlord a 40 something year old man talking trash to the same group of students that I mention earlier. While across the street a couple of the kids are yelling back at my Landlord and through their body language are suggesting that they want to fight him. Which was pretty much what they say on the street as "all talk" due to what takes place later in the situation.

Obviously God has a sense of humor, because I quickly remembered my request for the chance to meet and talk with those same students. So standing there with my prayer answered I pondered to myself my next move or at least something to say, but due to the situation I didn't really know how to proceed. I wanted to calm the anger that was being said back and forth across the street, while also be an example of Jesus to my Landlord and the group of students.

While all this is going on in my head my Landlord quickly runs across the street because one of the boys in the group in a very threatening voice says "why don't you come over here and make me stop." Now the fact that my Landlord actually did it is pretty funny, but the scared face on all the kids as he is running towards them was even funnier. Some more yelling takes place and eventually he pulls out the police card and says if they don't leave he will call the cops. Which to my surprise worked and the group ends up dispersing.

Now I tell you this very long story because as youth worker we need to be missionaries to the youth culture that surrounds us. I missed my opportunity to make a connection with those kids, I missed my opportunity to be a healthy adult influence. I did not walk through the door that led to their underground world that God opened for me, to talk and meet with that group. Afterwards I was pretty upset with myself for not taking advantage of what was before me, and kept replaying in my head other scenarios that could of unfolded.

I thought to myself I could of helped make a difference in one of those lives, I could of started a new relationship that would offer authentic life-on-life sharing to a desperate teenager who just needs someone to listen. Or quite simply I could of had a few new friends to play X-box with in my house on a regular basis. I wish I could go back in time and walk through that door instead of just look in from the outside.

Having a missional mindset in our church, youth group, or just daily lives is what God calls us to do as his "Sent People" to help him redeem his creation. As Alan Hirsch writes in his article called Defining Missional, "to be missional means to be sent into the world; we do not expect people to come to us." To create teenage disciples that are passionate about Jesus Christ we must as youth workers go out and meet them, we have something to offer that is worth sharing.

I know youth ministry opportunities like the one I missed, usually don't pop up on a regular basis. Therefore we have to choose to missional, we have to choose to go out and find where God is already working and help his cause of saving the world. Spend time discerning how God wants to use you and your youth group in a way that best fits your context.